The following text is the biography I wrote for Gene. It's long, but there's no way to sum up his life in less than 1000 words. The text will be published on a memorial web site along with a movie. It will also be available in a memorial album at the funeral mass.

A Biography of Gene M. Uttinger

by John Carroll

Gene Martin Uttinger was born on Wednesday February 1, 1956 in Eugene Oregon. He was the second child of Edward and Mary Uttinger who both grew up in the Willamette Valley. Mary Uttinger was born in the Wilhelm family, a prominent family in Junction City.

Gene was a small and quiet baby. At one point his mother was concerned he was too small and weak and may not survive until baptism, but as the days passed the blue eyed baby gained strength with each passing day, becoming an energetic toddler. Gene spent most of his youth in the family home at 64 Harshels Court just off River Road in northwest Eugene. For much of his childhood, Gene was the only child in the house. His older brother, John, was nine years senior and soon on his own when he joined the army and was stationed in Viet Nam. Gene was still a young boy when his brother went overseas.

Gene attended St. Peter Catholic School from first grade until 8^th. Later in life he often recalled that he was a quiet child with few friends outside his small neighborhood. He spent many hours riding his bike along the Willamette River, reading books at home, and helping his parents around the house. For the most part, Gene was an introverted child.

Mary Uttinger was a traditional stay-at-home mom. She was active in the nearby St. Peter Catholic Church. She was a member of the altar guild. Edward Uttinger was a veteran of World War II. He worked for Union Pacific railroad, putting in extra hours and working nights in order to give his children the best standard of life possible. For his generation, that was how a father showed his love. The family often vacationed in Sparks, Nevada with relatives. Gene was especially excited when the family made their first visit to Disneyland when he was 10.

The product of Edward’s hard work and Mary’s presence at home was the ability to send Gene to private school throughout his childhood. Subsequent to grade school, Gene attended Marist Catholic High School. There, unlike many adolescents, he started to become surer of himself, but his friendship circle remained small. His closest friend was Kathy Minik. Also, during his adolescence Gene became aware that he was gay. Before Gene died, he said coming out to himself was easy. He never felt any guilt even though his family raised him as a Roman Catholic in a strict household where public displays of affection were non-existent. Gene always knew who he was.

Gene’s self-assurance was strong. He managed to meet other gay people in the community starting at age 15. He participated in community functions without his parents’ knowledge. He knew they would disapprove, but it was the early 1970’s and the culture of the United States was going through drastic change. His early years of introspection led Gene to have a strong sense of self. He was proud of the man he was becoming. For a while he worked part time delivering flowers. He bought his own car. By age eighteen, Gene was ready to be independent.

Upon graduation from Marist, Gene was lucky enough to go on a six week tour of Europe with other members of his senior class. The tour was another way in which his parents showed they loved him. His tour included stops in Spain, France, Holland, and Italy. While in Rome, his group had a private audience with Pope Paul VI. Gene was especially impressed with the ancient history of European countries. He enjoyed the monasteries visited while on the tour, especially those set high upon mountains and surrounded by fortress walls. The legends of saints and armies captured his imagination.

When Gene returned from Europe, he had an expanded vision of the world. He told his parents he wanted to move out on his own. He secured a job working at Porter’s Fine Foods, and he owned his own pickup truck. But Ed and Mary thought their youngest child wasn’t ready to be totally independent. However, true to the single-minded man he was becoming, Gene packed up his things in small batches, ferrying them to a new apartment without his parents knowing. Then, while Ed and Mary were gone at a family gathering, Gene packed up his bed, dresser, and larger furniture. Ed and Mary came home early to find their son’s truck loaded and ready to go. Ultimately, they had no choice in the matter. Gene was ready to be an adult. He said goodbye and left with the last of his things. Gene would report later in life that his dad quickly adapted, recognizing that his son was a man. But Mary worried as a mother sometimes does. She worried even more when Gene bought his first motorcycle. In the end, Gene maintained regular contact with his folks, so they knew he was doing well.

Gene moved a couple times in the next few years, finally sharing an apartment with his friend Kathy from high school. She had graduated one year before Gene. They both enjoyed the life of young adults in a college town during the late 70s. Hair styles were long, bell bottom jeans were popular, and morals were changing.

Eugene had a small but very active gay community. Gene dated regularly and formed new friendships. He spent his weekends dancing at one of Eugene’s two gay bars, or hanging out with friends at parties. Sometimes he went hiking or camping. He especially enjoyed occasional escapes to the Oregon coast. Gene also attended some college level classes at Lane Community College.

In 1977 Gene was hired to work for Pacific Northwest Bell in the Residential Call Center. Back then, customer accounts were recorded on paper. Each employee handled accounts from specific phone exchanges. The new job was interesting, he liked his co-workers, and the pay was good. His career started almost by accident. He had no idea his tenure with the phone company would last for three decades.

The good living wage that Gene earned allowed him to travel. He started to go with friends down to San Francisco for long weekends. He also went to Hawaii for the first time, and he did it alone. He immediately fell in love with the tropical island chain, returning every other year for the next decade.

In 1980, Gene was offered an opportunity to work temporarily in Seattle at the corporate headquarters of the phone company. He enjoyed it so much that he leapt at the opportunity to take a permanent position. Soon he was back in Eugene packing boxes. Gene and his boyfriend at the time, Jimmy, moved to Seattle together.

Their first residence was in the Greenlake neighborhood. But, big city social life along with the increasing pressures of his job led to strain on their relationship. Gene and Jimmy broke up just a few months after they arrived in Seattle. Gene went back to single life, living in his own apartments on the edge of downtown and on Capitol Hill. He dated and remained unattached until two years later when, on a blind date, he met Martin (Marty) Brandt – also a phone company employee. It wasn’t long before the two of them fell in love. The direction of Gene’s life was forever changed.

Marty was a native Seattleite, raised and educated in West Seattle. He came from a traditional working class Catholic family. In other words, he was raised a lot like Gene. Marty was the baby in the family, with two older sisters and one older brother. About a year later, Marty introduced Gene to the Brandt family, and that connection remained for the rest of Gene’s life. Marty had maintained loving connections with his parents Frank and Bernice. Gene fit right into the family. Not long after, Gene took Marty back to Eugene and introduced him to his parents. Gene had never officially come out to his parents, but they knew he was gay. As was often the case in the Uttinger family, what was unspoken was usually still understood and accepted. Marty bonded well with Ed and Mary. Gene and his new love moved into their first shared apartment in Lower Queen Anne – a rental condo on 5^th Avenue North. They also made several visits back to Eugene over the next few years.

At the time Marty and Gene met, Marty was becoming involved in the Imperial Sovereign Court of Seattle – a social and charitable organization of gay men who entertained audiences by performing musical numbers in drag. Marty took the stage name Magnolia Bluff. Gene learned to work backstage at performances. He also learned to sew, creating many of Magnolia’s elaborate beaded gowns.

Life in the drag lane had its downside. Marty was often busy with an ever widening circle of friends, and not all those friendships had a positive impact. Soon after Gene and Marty got together, they learned Marty was HIV positive. For a while, they kept his HIV status from the family. Over time, the fast lifestyle and negative influences from friends took their toll on Marty. He became addicted to drugs. He attempted suicide, but he survived and went into recovery with Gene’s steadfast support.

Both Marty and Gene continued to work at the phone company. The Bell System was broken up in the early 1980s and soon the company name was changed to US West. Gene moved into a management position. His pay took a jump and that led to another milestone.

In 1987, Gene and Marty bought their first home together. It was a small two bedroom and one bath Victorian style cottage, just a couple blocks from the condo they rented. They saw potential in their new nest, and immediately set about fixing it up. Many wonderful parties and celebrations were held at 606 Prospect Street, with family and friends alike. Sadly, the joy would not last. Marty’s health began to decline, so Gene and Marty told their family that Marty had AIDS.

During the ensuing years, Gene was always at Marty’s side. Marty had more problems with depression, exacerbated by his medications and dire prognosis. He suffered a relapse with drug abuse. Gene and the family did what he could to intervene. On a few occasions, Marty had to be hospitalized because of opportunistic infections. The inner strength that Gene had developed as a young boy allowed him to wade through the troubled times. In 1992, Marty qualified as disabled. He retired from the phone company. Often, he was unable to walk. Later that year, when home nursing care was no longer enough, Gene placed Marty into care at Bailey-Boushay hospice. It was there, in February, 1993, that Marty died. As always, Gene was there holding his hand when Marty took his last breath.

It is often the case for those who are caregivers during the long illness of a loved one, that the grieving process starts early – before the loved one dies. Such was the case for Gene. With the help of friends, family, and a grief counselor, Gene recovered from Marty’s death. At the age of 37, he knew there was much of life still ahead and he was determined to find someone special with which to share new adventures. In order to meet new people, Gene set out to create a new circle of friends. One of his most consistent social events was attendance at Catholic Mass at St. Joseph Parish – cosponsored by the Catholic Archdiocese and Dignity, an organization for gay Roman Catholics. It was there in 1993 that Gene met John Carroll. They talked a few times during the social hour after mass.

Later, through his employment at the Seattle Men’s Chorus, John saw Gene again at a fundraiser with Harvey Fierstein at the Columbia Tower Club. At one point, a female friend of John’s took him on a now infamous tour of the ladies bathroom lounge and its famous view over Seattle and Lake Washington. Gene tracked them down and the group of rowdy folks in the bathroom started to grow. Needless to say, someone complained about the men in the ladies lounge and the group was soon ejected. Later that night, Gene asked John out on their first date.

A few summer dates turned into much more. Gene and John fell in love over the ensuing months. Then, in June of 1994, on the one year anniversary of their first date while traveling with the Seattle Men’s Chorus to Carnegie Hall in New York, John and Gene exchanged rings. The next day they marched in the 25^th anniversary parade celebrating the Stonewall riots – a seminal event in the gay rights movement.

John moved in with Gene that same year. With Gene’s support, John fulfilled a longtime dream, returning to school at Seattle University to earn his undergraduate degree. In 1996, the twosome worked with a contractor to build their first jointly owned home. It was located amidst beautiful trees on a gently sloping hill near Ames Lake – about 30 miles east of Seattle. Gene and John, sharing their love of gardening, worked to create a beautiful one acre oasis.

In 1997, Gene was working as a sales manager in the Agent Marketing department at US West, and his job often required travel to Denver and Minneapolis. John was working part time at a private school in Redmond while commuting into Seattle for classes at the university. John graduated with a BA in history and liberal studies in 1998. Gene gave John a miniature schnauzer puppy as a graduation gift. They named her Amelia Bertrand (the names of John and Gene’s grandmothers). Almost immediately John was accepted into the Masters in Teaching program at Seattle University.

It was while living near Ames Lake that Gene first delved into the study of his family genealogy. The World Wide Web was relatively new. Resources for the study of family history were rapidly becoming available on the Internet. Gene also spent a great deal of time in the Federal Archives near the old Sand Point Naval Station. He was able to trace both the Uttingers (his father’s roots) and Wilhelms (his mother’s family). The Uttinger lineage went back several generations to Uttingertown, Kentucky, and even as far away as the village of Utting am Ammersee in Bavaria.

As life progressed, the stress of commuting and changing job goals led John and Gene to sell their Ames Lake home and move back into Seattle. It was difficult leaving the house they had loved so much, especially for Gene. In 1999, they bought a new residence in the Magnolia neighborhood. Immediately they fell into the familiar pattern of renovation and gardening. John started his teaching career in Seattle Public Schools.

In 2000, Gene’s career began to slowly change and his job satisfaction gradually diminished. US West merged with Qwest Communications, changing the corporate name to the later. The business culture he knew and loved started to change rapidly, and Gene felt left behind. He mourned the loss of focus on customer service and quality in exchange for expansion and profits. Gene started looking for new opportunities within the company. He also started to talk about his retirement. Over the next few years, Gene cycled through several jobs, none of which seemed to fulfill him. However he continued to slowly climb the corporate ladder. He became known especially for his broad knowledge of company operations and products. He worked on 911 service and large government accounts. Later, he was a perfect match for the Centrex product. He seemed to know more about it than anyone else in the corporation. But, Gene still could not gain the job satisfaction he had in the past. Travel became an escape from the turmoil of his career.

In 2003, Gene and John celebrated their 10^th anniversary by throwing a luau at their Magnolia home which they had christened Edenhill. Many friends, family, and neighbors came to enjoy the live entertainment along with traditional luau cuisine. The event was also a fundraiser. The crowd managed to raise more than $1,600 dollars to benefit construction of a new headquarters for Childhaven – an organization that serves the needs of foster children.

That event marked a longtime commitment for the couple. Over the years they donated regularly to organizations like the Seattle Men’s Chorus, St Martin de Porres shelter, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Bailey Boushay House, and many more. Most significantly, Gene raised money for the Lifelong AIDS Alliance (formerly NW AIDS Foundation and Chicken Soup Brigade). It’s estimated that over a 21 year period, Gene was single handedly responsible for raising more than $50,000 for the organization, all in memory of his partner Marty Brandt. A sense of responsibility for supporting charities and volunteering their time was a value shared by both men, and one of the qualities that John most admired about Gene.

John and Gene also shared a love of travel. Over the years they enjoyed time spent together in Hawaii and Santa Barbara. Soon they discovered beautiful Puerto Vallarta in Mexico. They also visited Disneyworld in Florida as well as Boston, San Francisco, the California Wine Country and San Diego. In 2005, Gene finally returned to Europe, this time dragging along John as a very willing participant. For five weeks they toured England, Ireland, Belgium, Germany and Holland. It was the trip of a lifetime. John took more than five hours of video and Gene amassed a collection of more than 1000 photographs. Later that same year, in celebration of John’s 40^th birthday, Gene purchased tickets for their first cruise along the Mexican Riviera. Instantly Gene was addicted to the waterborne style of travel. In the following two years, Gene and John cruised through the Caribbean twice, the Mexican Riviera twice, as well as the Panama Canal and other destinations.

In 2007, Gene celebrated thirty years of service at the phone company. That same summer, he took what would be his final cruise vacation with John and his parents Dennis and Patty. They cruised out of Seattle to southeast Alaska including ports in Ketchikan, Juneau, and Skagway. A highlight of the trip included Gene’s first helicopter flight over and landing on the Herbert Glacier. Also, the group rented a car and drove from Skagway all the way north into the Yukon Territory of Canada. They enjoyed formal dinners in the dinning room, and winning three trivia contests. Then, only one month later, John took Gene for a surprise Labor Day weekend trip to Las Vegas where they enjoyed seeing Mel Brook’s Tony winning musical comedy, “The Producers”. That venture would prove to be Gene’s last vacation.

On September 16^th, while walking through the displays at Seattle’s Museum of Flight, Gene suffered a sudden heart attack. He was hospitalized at Highline Community Medical Center. Gene remained in a coma for the next week. After receiving the results of several tests, the doctors determined that Gene’s prognosis was extremely grave. He had suffered severe brain damage and was unlikely to come out of a comatose state. John, having prepared documents with Gene four years prior, knew exactly what Gene’s wishes were should such a health crisis occur. Surrounded and supported by their full extended family, John followed Gene’s written instructions. Gene was taken off life support machines and, while John was there at his side, Gene died peacefully and without pain at 12 noon on Saturday September 22, 2007. It was John’s greatest desire that Gene receive the same respect and love that Gene had given almost 15 years earlier at the time of his first partner’s death – a passing filled with dignity while surrounded by the love and commitment of family.

Though it was cut too short, Gene lived a full and blessed life. He died knowing that he was loved by many people. He had a huge impact on hundreds of lives. The large number of mourners who filled the church during the funeral was a testament to Gene’s positive legacy.

At the same place where they first met, John said goodbye to his partner of 14 years, the man who forever changed his life on Saturday October 6, at St. Joseph Parish. Family, friends, neighbors and co-workers celebrated Gene and his lasting legacy – one of patience, faith, service, and love.

Gene M. Uttinger was laid to rest at Calvary Catholic Cemetery in Seattle.